Purpose in Writing a Book
The Purpose Behind A Very Civil Matter: Professional Abuse by Elaine Duffus
Domestic abuse is not always visible.
It does not always leave physical marks. And too often, it is not believed.
Across the world, individuals and families continue to suffer in silence—caught in patterns of abuse that are complex, calculated, and deeply embedded within systems that are meant to protect them.
One of the most difficult forms to identify is coercive control—a pattern of behaviour where manipulation, intimidation, and psychological tactics are used to dominate another person. What makes this even more concerning is when these tactics are exercised within professional systems, allowing abuse to continue in plain sight.
It is within this reality that A Very Civil Matter: Professional Abuse was written.
💡 Why This Book Matters
Despite the efforts of law enforcement and social care agencies, many victims remain unheard.
They hesitate to speak out—not because they have nothing to say, but because they fear:
Not being believed
Being misunderstood
Or worse, being re-traumatised by the very systems designed to help them
And in many cases, those fears are not unfounded.
🔍 A Resource for Professionals
A Very Civil Matter: Professional Abuse was created to educate, inform, and challenge professionals across multiple sectors, including:
Social Workers
Doctors
Teachers
Police Officers
Judges
Mediators
Cafcass Officers
Solicitors
It highlights the patterns, behaviours, and tactics used by perpetrators—particularly those who are skilled at navigating systems and maintaining control through manipulation.
By increasing awareness, professionals are better equipped to:
Recognise subtle signs of abuse
Respond effectively and appropriately
Act with confidence and clarity
Prevent further harm
⚖️ Understanding Post-Separation Abuse
One of the most critical areas explored in the book is post-separation abuse.
This occurs when abuse does not end with the relationship—but instead evolves.
It often continues through:
Family court proceedings
Child arrangements
Ongoing legal disputes
In these cases, one parent may use systems and processes to extend control, sometimes for years.
It is important to recognise:
Not all high-conflict relationships result in long-term court involvement.
However, prolonged cases—spanning 5, 10, or even 13+ years—often point to something deeper.
These are not just disputes.
They can be patterns of continued abuse, unfolding in full view of professionals.
🤝 The Need for a Unified Approach
A key message of the book is simple but powerful:
Safeguarding is not the responsibility of one professional—it is the responsibility of all.
Whether in the public or private sector, every professional has a role to play in:
Identifying abuse
Sharing information
Acting decisively
Supporting victims
When professionals work in isolation, opportunities are missed. When they work together, lives can change.
A multi-agency approach is not optional—it is essential.
⚠️ When Systems Are Outmanoeuvred
Perpetrators of abuse can be highly strategic.
They will and may:
Exploit gaps in communication between professionals,
Manipulate professional narratives e.g. giving different stories of an actual event but not the actual facts, as this could implecate their damaging involvement in conflict during contact arrangements. etc.
Present differently across agencies, e.g. calm when police however anxious when in court, etc.
Appear credible, calm, and cooperative e.g. in court settings, when police arrive during contact arrangement setting at home, etc.
In doing so, they often evade even the most structured systems and legal safeguards.
This creates a dangerous reality where:
Abuse continues
Victims are discredited
And accountability is avoided
The book shines a light on these dynamics—because awareness is the first step toward prevention.
📘 More Than a Book — A Practical Tool
A Very Civil Matter: Professional Abuse is not just a book. It has been used as a reference guide, used by:
Professionals seeking deeper understanding
Individuals navigating abuse, preparing parents for before, during , after contact arrangements have been established. Before, during and after consented court orders agreed.
It offers:
Insight
Clarity
Validation
And direction
🌱 Moving Towards Change
Breaking the cycle of domestic abuse requires more than policies and procedures.
It requires:
Awareness
Courage
Collaboration
And accountability
This book calls on professionals to:
Look beyond the surface
Question inconsistencies
Listen without bias
And act with purpose
Because when professionals are informed, aligned, and proactive — victims are no longer left to suffer in silence.
💬 Final Reflection
The purpose of A Very Civil Matter: Professional Abuse is clear:
To educate.
To challenge.
To expose.
And ultimately—
to protect.
While progress is being made, there are still countless journeys that go unseen, unreported, and unacknowledged.
This book exists to challenge that reality.
A Very Civil Matter:Professional Abuse on the roles and responsibilities of professionals in highlights the various ways and patterns in which domestic abuse may occur is an important resource for all professionals who work with vulnerable individuals. It provides critical insights into the tactics of abusers, and equips professionals with the knowledge they need to identify and respond to domestic abuse cases. By working together and taking a multi-agency approach, professionals can help to break the cycle of domestic abuse, and provide victims with the support they need to move towards a safer and healthier future.
A Very Civil Matter: Professional Abuse is a book that professionals and family members undergoing any form of abuse or know of anyone undergoing abuse have used as a reference book to help themselves and others.
“Actually I’ve been taken quite a back by this book. Its a must read for people that have lost confidence in themselves through previous difficult relationships especially involving children. How to recognise mental bullying and guidance in dealing with it. Cleverly told in short stories, covering various topics of every day life with advice and support on the current laws. just wish I could have read this many years ago.”
Amazon customer review
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